It’s all over.
I thought as I turned over to the final page of a pile of hand-written papers. Though I have considered the possibility, I have not anticipated the emptiness as this product of labour materializes. Or rather… I could not have anticipated.
As my eyes and fingers coordinated with each other to finish transferring the content onto the computer, my mind wondered off and returned back to a thought that had plagued me for so long.
What’s the point? Now?
I’m but an inevitable product, a result of all that came before me. Even now, I am but one part in the grand universe, who’s made up and determined by pieces even smaller. All the complexity, whether that be living or non-living, man-made or natural, concrete or abstract, all can be traced back through time and space, converging to a single event that spawned it all, that went on to blossom… Wait… That’s the wrong word, not blossom, but mold, into the present. Much like molten metal taking the shape of its mold, all things happened has always been guided by unseen rules, and everything since the concepting of the first bit of matter, the first drop of energy, are but a logical, unavoidable consequence of the events before it.
Unknowingly, the final period has been typed in. I stared at the final line. I wish what I wrote is not the truth, but it is. I have to accept it, it is my job to do so. So I hit the enter key, then scrolled to the top of the thesis. The title wrote: On the Deterministic Nature of the Universe. I closed the document, put the screen down, tidied up the desk. Lastly, I held the page up, the paper slightly curved toward me, so naturally, like space-time curving around all there is. I examine the letters spanning across, organized, yet restrained by the lines. I stood up from my chair, flipping the page over, and placed it faced down atop of rest of its kind on a stack. I walked down the stairs to the unlit kitchen. The floor is quite beside the buzzing from the fridge, drawing me to it. The soft light illuminated a small area, revealing the empty inside.
Ah, of course, because I ate all the left over for dinner. Of course, I am always meant to run out of food, now, at this moment in particular.
I had a glass of water instead, and went back up stair to my bedroom. The room was dark, except the dim light from the outside, slipping through the gaps of the shutter. I pushed a louver down slightly, just enough to get a view of the outside. Heavy snow danced wildly in the wind, under the warm glow of the streetlamp. It’s the prettiest view there is, always able to soothe my mind.
I tucked myself in. The cold blanket cooling down my skin, but not my mind.
Oh, it will sort itself out.
I’ve arrived.
I floated in space, nothing around except my pod behind. On my head-up display, a red dot marked the origin of the universe.
There was nothing, but, it’s right there, an arm’s-length away.
I put my hand over the point and grabbed for what was nothing. When I retrieved and opened my palm, the result was just as predictably, nothing. Of course, what was I expecting? How could it have been any different? Why am I even here, what was I thinking?
…
Why do I still ask the question that I know the answer of… I stared into my empty palm, then at the red dot, then back at into the palm, and up again, when the red dot on my head-up display was overshone by a light orb on the other side. The orb shone with white light, pure, but harsh.
I reached out again…
My sensories shut off. Time stopped, or maybe it didn’t, but instead exhausted of itself in an instant. I couldn’t tell, as I now felt nothing. There’s no sound, not even silent; There’s no colour, not even black. My body had disappeared, all that left was my conscious.
Where am I?
Am I dead?
I’m thinking right? I thought, therefore I am. Right? But I found it hard to believe I exist in any form.
“Welcome,” A kind voice invaded into my mind, the manifested in my imagination. It was the light orb. Its light radiated, just as harshly as it did earlier, spreading itself to every corner, claiming my peace of mind as its domain.
“Just as planned, down to the second.” It said.
“These are all planned?” I asked. I don’t know where my voice came from.
“Why are you still asking questions that you know the answer to?”
I stared at the orb, it was right.
“So what now?” I continued, “What was the point?”
“Good question, we are busy working on that too.”
I was stunned.
“What do you mean!” I protested, “You made us!”
“I just means we don’t know either.” It replied with a slight irritated tune. “Here.”
Blinding lights beamed out of the orb, enveloping the entire space, blinding me. Then, just as suddenly as it came, it went away. I was no longer just my thought, but floating in the void, bare feet in the pajama I had back at home.
In front of me, I saw the universe, shrunk down to the size of a globe, marbled with galaxies.
The orb emerged from the nothingness next to me. Then it blew up, risen to twice my height, shapeshifting into a middle-aged man sitting in front of a desk. The void in the meantime, was dotted with light like the night sky back on Earth.
“I will explain to you on my lunch break.” The figure said with a commanding, yet gentle tone. “In the meantime, why don’t you play by yourself a little, seeing the world go round.”
His voice echoed through the void. I stared up from below. The man sat, hunched over the desk. He was jotting down something I couldn’t see, but can tell with his elbow hovered in air, and moved about.
I turned around and looked at the universe. The galaxies inside shone dimly, but with the full spectrum of colour. A couple would randomly brighten a bit, then fade away.
Our universe, so small now seeing it in full, but yet still so pretty. It’s not remarkable, just calming. I sat down cross-legged, and pulled the bubble close to me.
Maybe I will watch this a bit more…